“When
you sneakily record your child's Christmas play it is likely that a child in
that school or church who was at risk of abuse, has been removed from a dangerous and chaotic lifestyle, and has been placed into
foster care or with adoptive parents, is present.
We
then post a picture of our children, with the other child in the background. A
friend shares it, the abusers see it and know the child's school or location.
This
child then has to pack up their belongings, move to a new home, new school, new
carers, new life leaving their previous carers at risk along with their own
children - all because we needed to share it on Facebook, even though we were
asked not to.
Follow
safeguarding policy!! They don't tell you not to record because they are
miserable; they tell you this to safeguard vulnerable children.”
----------
This (above) is just one of the posts I have seen doing the rounds again
on social media this year. Shared by a mix of parents and teachers. Followed by
a range of comments, both positive and negative.
This is the reality for adoptive parents. For foster carers. For
families who have fled domestic abuse.
----------
I am an adoptive parent and I look forward to Starfish’s nativity as
much as the next person. I organise the costume. I help her learn her lines. I
have the songs on repeat in my head. I make sure I get to school early (for
once), to get a decent view of the stage.
Then I sit there waiting for it to start, a mixture of thoughts and
worries in my head. Will Starfish remember her lines? Will she have a wardrobe
malfunction and trip over her costume? … Will the Head remember? Will the
parents take notice?
I’m fortunate that Starfish’s school take this stuff seriously and go
out of their way to safeguard and include in equal measure. I know that she is
not the only child in school with a photo ban on social media and the school
website. I only know this because I know these other families personally, not
because it’s obvious who they are, so hopefully it’s not obvious about Starfish
either. I’m sure there are others I don’t know about, which is as it should be.
The Head moves to the front of the stage. (She’s never forgotten before
so I’m confident she won’t today.) She starts to speak … “can I remind you all
please that you can take photos of your children at the end, but photos of other
children should not to be shared on social media”, or words to that effect. She
hasn’t finished the sentence before I can hear tuts from one side of me and “here
we go” from the other. I feel like there is a massive flashing arrow hanging
from the ceiling pointing at my head, singling me out with “it’s her fault”. I
shouldn’t but I squirm a little in my seat.
The first song starts and the nativity is underway. A couple of rows in
front of me I hear a loud-ish “whatever” and 2 parents get their phones out and
start taking photos anyway. Hang on, the Head said at the end didn’t she?
Nobody else is doing it … has anyone noticed? Is anyone going to stop them? I
can’t interrupt now without drawing attention to myself (and therefore
Starfish) … am I going to have to tell tales to the Head tomorrow?
I try not to focus on these 2 phones and focus on Starfish instead. Her
costume stays (more or less) as it should. She remembers all her lines. Another
proud mummy moment. Then at the end she is subtly squirrelled away while
everyone swarms to the stage with their phones out.
I do mention it to the Head when I see her, and a message is sent out to
all parents to remind them again that any photos taken at the nativity should
not be shared on social media. I’m sure it’ll be fine.
----------
We do of course live in a world where many people live out every aspect
of their life on social media. It’s so ‘normal’ it’s easy to miss that some
families don’t or can’t.
We all like to take photos or film of our children’s star moments, to
relive with pride again and again, and to embarrass them with when they’re
older. Most schools and organisations will try and accommodate this, whether
they prevent or allow parents to take their own – they may film / photograph the
dress rehearsal, they may allow photos just at the end, or they may gently
remind you how you should use them. But know that when an announcement is made,
there’s a good reason for it. It’s not about teachers or church leaders being
all “bah humbug” or OTT, it’s about keeping vulnerable children safe.
Please don’t question it, or assume it’s not necessary, because you don’t
know the specific details behind it. Families shouldn’t have to be obvious
about it, that’s the whole point.
Please don’t question or comment to families you know it applies to : “How
long do you have to do this for?” “They’ve changed so much I’m sure they wouldn’t
be recognised now” etc. However well you know the situation, this isn’t your
child. It isn’t your call to make.
Just be thankful if you haven’t had to live your life with this worry hanging over you.
Once a photo or video is shared online it can be copied or reposted and
can be on the other side of the world in no time. Never mind the other side of
the country or even the next town, where the people live who aren’t allowed to
know where these children are. By sharing even one photo you are putting them at
risk – at best you give away their location and they may be traced, at worst they
may have to move house, school, even family for their own safety.
So please respect the requests of those in charge at these events. Please
ask permission before you take photos or film of other people’s children. Please
remember the golden rule : if they’re not your children, they’re not yours to
share.
----------
So school nativity for Starfish is over for another year. Now we just
have the church nativity to navigate. More pride and anxiety in equal amounts.
No comments:
Post a Comment