Please see my trauma … but please also see me (18/2/17)

[This one came so easily. A letter from my little one to the teachers and leaders around her … and to me when I need reminding.  :)]

Please see me.

But please also see my trauma.

I’m mostly happy or excited, rarely sad or angry. I don’t seem traumatised by my early life.

But some of the things I experienced but didn’t understand affected my early brain development and my impulse reactions now. You may not see my trauma but that doesn’t mean it hasn’t affected me.

Sometimes I struggle to pay attention. I get engrossed in what I enjoy and block out everything else. I can feel safer in my own world.

This is because my world hasn’t always felt safe.

(And also perhaps because of what I was exposed to in the womb.)

I don’t mean to ignore you when you speak to me or take a long time to do what you’ve asked.

Please make sure you have my attention. Please give me clear instructions and check I’ve heard and understood. Please be calm and patient with me.

Sometimes I struggle to stay still. I get easily excited and aroused but then my body struggles to relax or regulate itself. Sometimes what seems like excitement is actually anxiety. My brain is always on high alert.

This is because I’ve been scared and experienced extreme emotions I didn’t understand.

I don’t mean to be so hyper all the time.

Please give me time to be active and move around. Please help me understand how I am feeling. Please give me extra time, space or strategies to help me calm down.

Sometimes I struggle to understand safe people or places. I can be unsure or confused around too many people, people I don’t know or in unfamiliar places. I can get attached to key people but I can also have a false sense of security.

This is because I had inconsistent early care and lots of carers.

I don’t mean to put myself in unsafe situations.

Please give me clear guidance about who my key adults are. Please show me what I need to do to stay safe, and remind me often. Please give me extra supervision when I need it.

Sometimes I struggle with change, unstructured times and unpredictable events.  (Transition times, beginnings and endings, long playtimes, special events, trips, holidays.) I can feel anxious when things change or if I don’t know what to expect. I can experience big feelings which I can’t make sense of.

This is because I have experienced a lot of change and unknown in my life.

I don’t mean to behave inappropriately at these times.

Please give me clear boundaries and a consistent routine. Please help me to know what to do with all the time I have or when I can make my own decisions. Please let me know ahead of time what to expect.

But … I have such an enthusiasm for life. I am such a free spirit. I can make anyone laugh or smile. I have amazing potential.

Please see my trauma.

But please also see me.